Cold feet.

Yeah, that's right, my feet are amazing cold right now. I do believe I have bad circulation. Which makes me sound like an old woman, but i swear, i do. So anyway. . . i did a lot of work today, I even slept in, which I always view as an accomplishment. I think everyone should.

I went to work out, which i am in the process of picking up again. Mt schedule is slowing down for now, hopefully it stays that way, but we'll see. SO- I had to walk though snow that was about 2 feet high. It got in my boots and everything. Yikes. So then I was running, as usual, and as soon as i was done, this extremely skinny girl came strutting along. There was about 15 treadmills available at this point, but as soon as i step off mine, she sets her iPod down and changes the channel of the TV in front of me. I hadn't even cleaned the machine yet. I was a little confused. Confused, appauled, ect. SOMETHING. Not only did she move in, she looked at me like i was insane when i started to spray off the machine. YES, I DO SWEAT. Sometimes i feel that i might have a little hate towards skinny people. Not healthy humans, but SKINNY people. People who, no matter how often, or at what time I got to the gym, are there. Not running, because this could potentially build muscle, but walking on a tredmill at an uneasy bustling pace. Other options for this breed include: doing crunches, carrying around 1 pound dumbells, or, (if they are brave), a few minutes on the elliptical. Mostly though, they just walk around in whatever 100% spandex outfit they have chosen for the day, and give all the "fatties" the stink eye. If you couldn't tell, i am annoyed.

SO, in a small recap- I love living by myself. I got so much more done than i ever would otherwise. Seriously. Not only is it good for my schooling, it is also good for my self-confidence. I love it here. Living alone is amaaaaaaaaaazing!!

Next semester I start my social work classes, which is so so exciting! I have been waiting for one whole year to be where I am right now, and i could not be any happier!

So i was talking to my dad today on the phone, which is always hit and miss. Either we have a lot to say or seriously. . . nothing. So today was an a lot to say day. We laughed because Seth generally thinks some parts of my childhood are a little "out there". But I don't care at all. I learned how to shoot a gun when i was about the age of 7. I remember this because my dad let me and my brother have target practice on the books we were done with, but forced to keep at school. i always think Pat took gun way too seriously. Not that i juggled them, but Pat always thinks of them as weapons to kill the bad guys. Like in every movie you've ever seen. This made me thankful for the safe at our house. I guess i've always liked guns, but kept the idea of the death at the other end in my head. i always have this fear of a freak accident where i shoot and hit a rock at the perfect angle to deflect back at me and end my life. That would happen to me. I love shooting, and knowing I can. I take pride in that, for sure. If that makes me a hick, then so be it. Ahhhhhhhh I love my family. And tomorrow i get to see them! Woot woot!

P.S. I love you

Okay, so I just watched P.S. I love you. . . also known as the saddest/best movie ever! Okay, so I bet it is kinda cheesy, but so sad at parts that you forget about the cheese. . . it works! Anyway, it made me get all sentimental. I hate that.

Okay, so on that note, i'd just like to get something off my chest. Someone recently kinda psyched me out about Seth. Which never happens. We are happy, i'm happy, he's happy, yada yada- he is planning to go to Spain for like. . . 9 months next year, which i think is just fine. But i guess it may seem a little nuts to others. i don't see a problem, but whatever. Either way, i feel like people don't believe me a lot when i say Seth is "The One". But i wonder if these people are just healing. You know? They stop believing in love because it let them down. I don't recommend this theory.

I remember the first time i thought of Seth as something big. He was sitting across the table from me in the MP with a group of people from my hall. He never really talked. I remember I said something and he made some sly rebuttle and grinned that stupid grin i've come to love. I was hooked. Not that he would catch on for months, despite my shameless flirting. I don't think i believe in love at first sight, but i definately believe love comes in so many different ways. I love Seth. He takes me for what i am, even when I am less than best. Nothing can top that.

Okay, next thought- I am totally going to be in the social work program. I am in, really, but now after this amazing semester of hard work, i know i'm in. I wish grades were due sooner than they are, it just drives me nuts. I think I either got a B+ or an A-. I'll take either. I don't know if i have ever been so incredibly dedicated to a class before in my life. Which would explain a lot. I feel i have done a lot of growing up, which has contributed to my success. On one hand it is torture knowing i am here another year, spending money, even when i could just be done. But i want the degree i want.

Ben leaves for Iraq on Monday. I am your typical upset/depressed peace dreamer/war hater. I hate it. More than anything. I hate war and/or "the war". It just kills me. So many people dying, and for what? And if you say "my freedom", i will hunt you down and beat you with my freedom. With every person coming home mentally ill for the rest of their lives, or in pine boxes all together, i'd give one of my stupid fucking rights. Do you feel any freer? Yeah. That's what i am saying.

I want to either get a peace dove or the word PEACE on my wrist. Maybe an impulse buy. Damnit.

Poetry and sophistication

I think this is the longest i have been awake in a very long time. I have accomplished so much today, and i am sure i am tired, but i'm just not ready for bed. I keep thinking, and i am not sure why. I feel like i am really growing up. it's weird. I was at the library with my friend Amber today for 11 hours. We talked about future plans, and pretty much everything else. Crazy to think that in 2 years i'll be done here at NMU. People graduate and move on. So weird. And i really want the best for people. I love some of the people i have met here. Especially those people at work. I am getting so much out of it, it's amazing. I'm going to miss them so much.

I miss Alan, Scott, and Ben. I miss Val.